“Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.”  James 4:1-2 (The Message Bible)

God sent his word to heal and deliver, and when the word is preached that should be the result.  Not always does that happen but when it happens the word has become real to you.  I heard a message on James 4 and the statement that jumped out at me was “They come because you want your own way.”  Now I have read that scripture many times and it is even in my upcoming book.  But this time it hit me because I was upset with the actions of a family member.


Why was I upset?  The answer goes back to James 4:1-2.  I wanted a different result than the family member wanted.   Since I was not getting that person to do things the way I thought was best I got upset.  I don’t want to say angry, but I am sure that was the case.  I try hard not to allow anything to get under my skin, but you know how it is with family.  Sometimes we think we know better, and we try to impose that onto others.  In my case, trying to look out for an aging parent presents a certain type of obstacle.  It becomes a battle of the wills.  I let myself get caught up the other day and thus the scripture reminded me that it is all because I wanted to have my own way.

James tells us that wars and quarrels come because we want our own way.   Isn’t that the truth.  Think about it in your own life.  We get upset with friends and family because they are not living up to the standards we set for them.  Irreconcilable differences become a reason for divorce.  All that means, according to the dictionary, is “an inability for two parties to resolve their differences in order to save their marriage.”  Simply put you can’t get along with each other.  Again, you want what you can’t have and will fight to get your own way.  “Irreconcilable differences” is an easy way out; instead of agreeing to disagree and esteeming others more highly than ourselves, we walk in selfishness.  However, I know much more is involved in divorce, but for this writing we will leave it at that.

“Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that make war inside you.”  James 4:1 ERV